It’s 9:25pm. I’m staring blankly at my computer screen. The deadline for this post is looming over my head and this is draft number 7 0r 8 or 15. I don’t even know anymore. I’ve re-written this more than I care to remember or admit. I feel my motivation waning in and out of existence. I knew days like these would come. I knew finding the drive to create new work would wear thin, but I didn’t expect it to happen so soon. Why now? I was on a roll. Things were going well.
I think it happened shortly after I finished the above photo, or at least that is what I believe. This photo was basically a year in the making.
You see, I was supposed to shoot this image the week before I left for my internship with Zack, but not having the confidence in myself to do that, I promised to come back with the knowledge to execute it and to perhaps incite some riots 😉 (You can go read more about the why and how, over here and here).
I’m really, very proud of this photo that I made with the help of some amazing friends, but the amount of admin that went into making it was draining. From trying to arrange a date for the shoot that everyone involved was available, to making sure I had all the gear I needed to create the photo, to snacks to wardrobe and make-up. It took it out of me and I have one more portfolio image to create and I have to repeat that same process. Don’t get me wrong. The end product is worth every damn second of the bullshit that comes beforehand, but coming down from that emotional high afterward tears at my being.
I know I’ll push through and I’ll have people along the way edging me on, but getting up from the dirt, right now, seems like a mountain that I can’t climb, but I am slowly dragging myself up. The allure of creating new work, challenging work, that scares the crap out of me, is dragging me up, off my ass, and into the planning phase.
Failure is looming over my shoulder, waiting for a misstep, waiting for me to give up. I will not let the weight of this mountain crush me. I will push on. I will make that image and then conquer the next mountain. I’ve come too far. Find your Everest, whether it be admin or a lack of motivation and conquer it. We’ll be there to edge you on and grab your hand as you reach for the top.
Thanks for reading.